Brilliant!

(from Joe Monster .org)

Best April Fool's Hoaxes in History

Joe Monster | Śr 28-03-2007 16:38

#1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest

In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in, and many called up wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti trees. To this question, the BBC diplomatically replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best." Check out the actual broadcast archived on the BBC's website (You need the RealVideo player installed to see it, and it usually loads very slowly). -More-

#2: Sidd Finch

Sidd Finch In its April 1985 edition, Sports Illustrated published a story about a new rookie pitcher who planned to play for the Mets. His name was Sidd Finch and he could reportedly throw a baseball with startling, pinpoint accuracy at 168 mph (65 mph faster than anyone else has ever been able to throw a ball). Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never even played the game before. Instead, he had mastered the "art of the pitch" in a Tibetan monastery under the guidance of the "great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa." Mets fans everywhere celebrated at their teams's amazing luck at having found such a gifted player, and Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information. But in reality this legendary player only existed in the imagination of the writer of the article, George Plimpton. -More-

#3: Instant Color TV

In 1962 there was only one tv channel in Sweden, and it broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert, Kjell Stensson, appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, all viewers could now quickly and easily convert their existing sets to display color reception. All they had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their tv screen, and they would begin to see their favorite shows in color. Stensson then proceeded to demonstrate the process. Reportedly, hundreds of thousands of people, out of the population of seven million, were taken in. Actual color tv transmission only commenced in Sweden on April 1, 1970.

#4: The Taco Liberty Bell

Taco Liberty BellIn 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called up the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell is housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed that it was all a practical joke a few hours later. The best line inspired by the affair came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale, and he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold, though to a different corporation, and would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial. -More- Comments (23)

#5: San Serriffe

In 1977 the British newspaper The Guardian published a special seven-page supplement in honor of the tenth anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semi-colon-shaped islands. A series of articles affectionately described the geography and culture of this obscure nation. Its two main islands were named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse. Its capital was Bodoni, and its leader was General Pica. The Guardian's phones rang all day as readers sought more information about the idyllic holiday spot. Few noticed that everything about the island was named after printer's terminology. The success of this hoax is widely credited with launching the enthusiasm for April Foolery that then gripped the British tabloids in the following decades. -More-

#6: Nixon for President

In 1992 National Public Radio's Talk of the Nation program announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for President again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." Accompanying this announcement were audio clips of Nixon delivering his candidacy speech. Listeners responded viscerally to the announcement, flooding the show with calls expressing shock and outrage. Only during the second half of the show did the host John Hockenberry reveal that the announcement was a practical joke. Nixon's voice was impersonated by comedian Rich Little.

#7: Alabama Changes the Value of Pi

The April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the 'Biblical value' of 3.0. Before long the article had made its way onto the internet, and then it rapidly made its way around the world, forwarded by people in their email. It only became apparent how far the article had spread when the Alabama legislature began receiving hundreds of calls from people protesting the legislation. The original article, which was intended as a parody of legislative attempts to circumscribe the teaching of evolution, was written by a physicist named Mark Boslough.

#8: The Left-Handed Whopper

In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, "many others requested their own 'right handed' version."

#9: Hotheaded Naked Ice Borers

In its April 1995 issue Discover Magazine announced that the highly respected wildlife biologist Dr. Aprile Pazzo had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. These fascinating creatures had bony plates on their heads that, fed by numerous blood vessels, could become burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speeds. They used this ability to hunt penguins, melting the ice beneath the penguins and causing them to sink downwards into the resulting slush where the hotheads consumed them. After much research, Dr. Pazzo theorized that the hotheads might have been responsible for the mysterious disappearance of noted Antarctic explorer Philippe Poisson in 1837. "To the ice borers, he would have looked like a penguin," the article quoted her as saying. Discover received more mail in response to this article than they had received for any other article in their history. -More-

#10: Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity

In 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth's own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 AM arrived, BBC2 began to receive hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her eleven friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room.

#11: UFO Lands in London

On March 31, 1989 thousands of motorists driving on the highway outside London looked up in the air to see a glowing flying saucer descending on their city. Many of them pulled to the side of the road to watch the bizarre craft float through the air. The saucer finally landed in a field on the outskirts of London where local residents immediately called the police to warn them of an alien invasion. Soon the police arrived on the scene, and one brave officer approached the craft with his truncheon extended before him. When a door in the craft popped open, and a small, silver-suited figure emerged, the policeman ran in the opposite direction. The saucer turned out to be a hot-air balloon that had been specially built to look like a UFO by Richard Branson, the 36-year-old chairman of Virgin Records. The stunt combined his passion for ballooning with his love of pranks. His plan was to land the craft in London's Hyde Park on April 1. Unfortunately, the wind blew him off course, and he was forced to land a day early in the wrong location.

#12: Kremvax

In 1984, back in the Stone Age of the internet, a message was distributed to the members of Usenet (the online messaging community that was one of the first forms the internet took) announcing that the Soviet Union was joining Usenet. This was quite a shock to many, since most assumed that cold war security concerns would have prevented such a link-up. The message purported to come from Konstantin Chernenko (from the address chernenko@kremvax.UUCP ) who explained that the Soviet Union wanted to join the network in order to "have a means of having an open discussion forum with the American and European people." The message created a flood of responses. Two weeks later its true author, a European man named Piet Beertema, revealed that it was a hoax. This is believed to be the first hoax on the internet. Six years later, when Moscow really did link up to the internet, it adopted the domain name 'kremvax' in honor of the hoax.

#13: The Predictions of Isaac Bickerstaff

In February 1708 a previously unknown London astrologer named Isaac Bickerstaff published an almanac in which he predicted the death by fever of the famous rival astrologer John Partridge. According to Bickerstaff, Partridge would die on March 29 of that year. Partridge indignantly denied the prediction, but on March 30 Bickerstaff released a pamphlet announcing that he had been correct: Partridge was dead. It took a day for the news to settle in, but soon everyone had heard of the astrologer's demise. On April 1, April Fool's Day, Partridge was woken by a sexton outside his window who wanted to know if there were any orders for his funeral sermon. Then, as Partridge walked down the street, people stared at him as if they were looking at a ghost or stopped to tell him that he looked exactly like someone they knew who was dead. As hard as he tried, Partridge couldn't convince people that he wasn't dead. Bickerstaff, it turned out, was a pseudonym for the great satirist Jonathan Swift. His prognosticatory practical joke upon Partridge worked so well that the astrologer finally was forced to stop publishing his almanacs, because he couldn't shake his reputation as the man whose death had been foretold.

#14: The Eruption of Mount Edgecumbe

In 1974 residents of Sitka, Alaska were alarmed when the long-dormant volcano neighboring them, Mount Edgecumbe, suddenly began to belch out billows of black smoke. People spilled out of their homes onto the streets to gaze up at the volcano, terrified that it was active again and might soon erupt. Luckily it turned out that man, not nature, was responsible for the smoke. A local practical joker named Porky Bickar had flown hundreds of old tires into the volcano's crater and then lit them on fire, all in a (successful) attempt to fool the city dwellers into believing that the volcano was stirring to life. According to local legend, when Mount St. Helens erupted six years later, a Sitka resident wrote to Bickar to tell him, "This time you've gone too far!"

#15: The Case of the Interfering Brassieres

In 1982 the Daily Mail reported that a local manufacturer had sold 10,000 "rogue bras" that were causing a unique and unprecedented problem, not to the wearers but to the public at large. Apparently the support wire in these bras had been made out of a kind of copper originally designed for use in fire alarms. When this copper came into contact with nylon and body heat, it produced static electricity which, in turn, was interfering with local television and radio broadcasts. The chief engineer of British Telecom, upon reading the article, immediately ordered that all his female laboratory employees disclose what type of bra they were wearing.

#16: Wisconsin State Capitol Collapses

In 1933 the Madison Capital-Times solemnly announced that the Wisconsin state capitol building lay in ruins following a series of mysterious explosions. The explosions were attributed to "large quantities of gas, generated through many weeks of verbose debate in the Senate and Assembly chambers." Accompanying the article was a picture showing the capitol building collapsing. By modern standards the picture looks slightly phony, but readers in 1933 were fooled—and outraged. One reader wrote in declaring that the hoax "was not only tactless and void of humor, but also a hideous jest."

#17: The Sydney Iceberg

On April 1, 1978 a barge appeared in Sydney Harbor towing a giant iceberg. Sydneysiders were expecting it. Dick Smith, a local adventurer and millionaire businessman (owner of Dick Smith's Foods), had been loudly promoting his scheme to tow an iceberg from Antarctica for quite some time. Now he had apparently succeeded. He said that he was going to carve the berg into small ice cubes, which he would sell to the public for ten cents each. These well-traveled cubes, fresh from the pure waters of Antarctica, were promised to improve the flavor of any drink they cooled. Slowly the iceberg made its way into the harbor. Local radio stations provided excited blow-by-blow coverage of the scene. Only when the berg was well into the harbor was its secret revealed. It started to rain, and the firefighting foam and shaving cream that the berg was really made of washed away, uncovering the white plastic sheets beneath.

#18: The 26-Day Marathon

26 day marathon runner In 1981 the Daily Mail ran a story about an unfortunate Japanese long-distance runner, Kimo Nakajimi, who had entered the London Marathon but, on account of a translation error, thought that he had to run for 26 days, not 26 miles. The Daily Mail reported that Nakajimi was now somewhere out on the roads of England, still running, determined to finish the race. Supposedly various people had spotted him, though they were unable to flag him down. The translation error was attributed to Timothy Bryant, an import director, who said, "I translated the rules and sent them off to him. But I have only been learning Japanese for two years, and I must have made a mistake. He seems to be taking this marathon to be something like the very long races they have over there."

#19: Webnode

In 1999 a press release was issued over Business Wire announcing the creation of a new company called Webnode. This company, according to the release, had been granted a government contract to regulate ownership of 'nodes' on the 'Next Generation Internet.' Each of these nodes (there were said to be over 50 million of them) represented a route that data could travel. The company was licensed to sell each node for $100. Nodes would increase in value depending on how much traffic they routed, and owners would also receive usage fees based on the amount of data that flowed across their section of the internet. Therefore, bidding for the nodes was expected to become quite intense. Offers to buy shares in Webnode soon began pouring in, but they all had to be turned down since the company was just a prank. There really was a Next Generation Internet, but there were no nodes on it. Business Wire didn't find the prank amusing and filed suit against its perpetrators for fraud, breach of contract, defamation, and conspiracy.

#20: 15th Annual New York City April Fool's Day Parade

In 2000 a news release was sent to the media stating that the 15th annual New York City April Fool's Day Parade was scheduled to begin at noon on 59th Street and would proceed down to Fifth Avenue. According to the release, floats in the parade would include a "Beat 'em, Bust 'em, Book 'em" float created by the New York, Los Angeles, and Seattle police departments. This float would portray "themes of brutality, corruption and incompetence." A "Where's Mars?" float, reportedly built at a cost of $10 billion, would portray missed Mars missions. Finally, the "Atlanta Braves Baseball Tribute to Racism" float would feature John Rocker who would be "spewing racial epithets at the crowd." CNN and the Fox affiliate WNYW sent television news crews to cover the parade. They arrived at 59th Street at noon only to discover that there was no sign of a parade, at which point the reporters realized they had been hoaxed. The prank was the handiwork of Joey Skaggs, an experienced hoaxer. Skaggs had been issuing press releases advertising the nonexistent parade every April Fool's Day since 1986.

#21: Whistling Carrots

In 2002 the British supermarket chain Tesco published an advertisement in The Sun announcing the successful development of a genetically modified 'whistling carrot.' The ad explained that the carrots had been specially engineered to grow with tapered airholes in their side. When fully cooked, these airholes caused the vegetable to whistle.

#22: Arm the Homeless

In 1999 the Phoenix New Times ran a story announcing the formation of a new charity to benefit the homeless. There was just one catch. Instead of providing the homeless with food and shelter, this charity would provide them with guns and ammunition. It was named 'The Arm the Homeless Coalition.' The story received coverage from 60 Minutes II, the Associated Press, and numerous local radio stations before everyone realized it was a joke. The Phoenix New Times's joke was actually a reprise of a 1993 prank perpetrated by students at Ohio State University.

#23: Guinness Mean Time

In 1998 Guinness issued a press release announcing that it had reached an agreement with the Old Royal Observatory in Greenwich, England to be the official beer sponsor of the Observatory's millennium celebration. According to this agreement, Greenwich Mean Time would be renamed Guinness Mean Time until the end of 1999. In addition, where the Observatory traditionally counted seconds in "pips," it would now count them in "pint drips." The Financial Times, not realizing that the release was a joke, declared that Guinness was setting a "brash tone for the millennium." When the Financial Times learned that it had fallen for a joke, it printed a curt retraction, stating that the news it had disclosed "was apparently intended as part of an April 1 spoof."

#24: Drunk Driving on the Internet

An article by John Dvorak in the April 1994 issue of PC Computing magazine described a bill going through Congress that would make it illegal to use the internet while drunk, or to discuss sexual matters over a public network. The bill was supposedly numbered 040194 (i.e. 04/01/94), and the contact person was listed as Lirpa Sloof (April Fools backwards). The article said that the FBI was going to use the bill to tap the phone line of anyone who "uses or abuses alcohol" while accessing the internet. Passage of the bill was felt to be certain because "Who wants to come out and support drunkenness and computer sex?" The article offered this explanation for the origin of the bill: "The moniker 'Information Highway' itself seems to be responsible for SB 040194... I know how silly this sounds, but Congress apparently thinks being drunk on a highway is bad no matter what kind of highway it is." The article generated so many outraged phone calls to Congress that Senator Edward Kennedy's office had to release an official denial of the rumor that he was a sponsor of the bill.

#25: New Zealand Wasp Swarm

In 1949 Phil Shone, a New Zealand deejay for radio station 1ZB, announced to his listeners that a mile-wide wasp swarm was headed towards Auckland. He urged them to take a variety of steps to protect themselves and their homes from the winged menace. For instance, he suggested that they wear their socks over their trousers when they left for work, and that they leave honey-smeared traps outside their doors. Hundreds of people dutifully heeded his advice, until he finally admitted that it had all been a joke. The New Zealand Broadcasting Service was not amused by Shone's prank. Its director, Professor James Shelley, denounced the hoax on the grounds that it undermined the rules of proper broadcasting. From then on, a memo was sent out each year before April Fool's Day reminding New Zealand radio stations of their obligation to report the truth, and nothing but the truth.

#26: Tass Expands Into American Market

In 1982 the Connecticut Gazette and Connecticut Compass, weekly newspapers serving the Old Lyme and Mystic areas, both announced that they were being purchased by Tass, the official news agency of the Soviet Union. On their front pages they declared that this was "the first expansion of the Soviet media giant outside of the Iron Curtain." The article also revealed that after Tass had purchased the Compass, its two publishers had both been killed by "simultaneous hunting accidents" in which they had shot each other in the back of the head with "standard-issue Soviet Army rifles." The announcement was bylined "By John Reed," and the new publisher, Vydonch U. Kissov, announced that the paper would be "thoroughly red." In response to the news, the offices of the Compass and the Gazette received calls offering condolences for the death of the publishers. One caller also informed them that he had long suspected them of harboring communist tendencies, and that it was only a matter of time before all the papers in the country were communist-controlled. When the publishers tried to explain that the article had been an April Fool's prank, the caller replied, "You expect me to believe a bunch of Commies?"

#28: Operation Parallax

In 1979 London's Capital Radio announced that Operation Parallax would soon go into effect. This was a government plan to resynchronize the British calendar with the rest of the world. It was explained that ever since 1945 Britain had gradually become 48 hours ahead of all other countries because of the constant switching back and forth from British Summer Time. To remedy this situation, the British government had decided to cancel April 5 and 12 that year. Capital Radio received numerous calls as a result of this announcement. One employer wanted to know if she had to pay her employees for the missing days. Another woman was curious about what would happen to her birthday, which fell on one of the cancelled days.

Songs for a Silent Movie

- is a rare SoCo release... with Konstantine. Very cool.
This has been circulating facebook, so in the interest of promoting blog activity:

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your itunes library
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...
7. When you're finished post as a bulletin and see what other people say!

Opening Credits
Wanting Memories - (idk)

Waking Up
The Thin Ice - Pink Floyd

First Day of School
We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
0=)

Falling in love
Spybreak! (Short One) - Propellorheads
(Matrix Sountrack)

Fight Song
Outside - Staind

Breaking Up
Diva - Lesiem
(chant - techno)

Prom
Pump Up the Jam - Technotronic
(Lmso)

Life
Chorale from "Jupiter" - Gustav Holst

Driving
Hey You - Pink Floyd
(driving at night?)

Flashback
[two titleless tracks], then
Owner of a Lonely Heart (Red and Blue Remix) - Yes

Getting Back Together
Fields of the Pelennor - Lord of the Rings
(haha... I have too many soundtracks lol)

Wedding
Smells Like Nirvana - Weird Al
(WTF!?!)

Love
P5shng Me A*wy - Linkin Park
(Oops)

Party
Live and Let Die - Paul McCartney

Birth of A Child
"Those who can't do..." speech by Jack Black on the School of Rock Soundtrack - lmso
or
Drive my Car - Beatles

Final Battle
Part of Me - Linkin Park

Funeral Song
Faint - Linkin Park
(I'm seeing a slight pattern here)

Ending Credits
Roll Tide/ Eternal Father Strong To Save - Hans Zimmer
(W00t!)

Okay... so in the "Good Fit"
opening credits, school, fight, final battle, ending credits!
"Might work"
waking up, falling in love, breaking up, prom, driving, flashback, party
"what the...?"
life, getting back together, waiting, love, birth, funeral.
Funness lol. It might work better with just my current playlist... that in a bit.

Sayonara,
sayonawa
Ayonawa,
hodinawa
Odinaya,
yodinaya
Yaddayadda,
yaaahyaaah
Ayiyaaaaaah!

Punting

SO much for the idea I would get a good 4 or 5 hours of studying in today.
'k, so im failing calc by my standards. Or i may as well be. mit isn't going to look at my transcript and see a 78 or an 84 and accept it. and im letting it happen. since when do i do this? back in st lawrence, i'd freak about something under a 90. And no people, its not the same excuse that high school's naturally harder. its not. i can feel it, that i could do it if i set myself to it. and its frustrating, yet I can't not do this, not be this way. I get 70s regularly. not cool. the juniors in the class do better than i do. yes, this pisses me off lol. I know i can do it.. ive gotten to this point before. End of junior year i just blew everything off. fucking stupid. i barely got into AP this year.. i technically shouldn't have but Mr. cappello sort of snuck me in under the wire, i think, cuz i missed the cutoff. He must be certain i can do it... so am I, its just getting to the mindset where i can isn't coming to me anymore. i get distracted too easily, im not concentrating on it, and so when i do i'm usually so tired it doesnt make sense. I make stupid mistakes, and get careless, and havent done regular essential practice homework in at least 2 months.
wtf? since when am i like this?
idk.. sometime over the last year i started to blow it off and gradually my standards started sliding, and i kind of just let them. when did this become okay? maybe it was APUSH that screwed me up... I just literally couldnt sit there and memorize the damn book... I'm fundimentally opposed to those kinds of classes, yet there i was. No APgov this year, at least. or APlit. I dont have anything against the people who are taking them; i respect them for that. I just could never do a year of that again. some people can. some people are happier just memorizing stuff given to them rather than having to work out a whole new concept. I'm one of the latter. I like to... no, need to work everything out, to see where its coming from, how it relates to things, what end its going towards. then I do best.
getting back to math, in this even. When a teacher or book tries to just teach a new concept for the sake of doing it, its pointless to me. I need to see where we can apply it, why we should waste time doing this harder way when the example problem could be done so much quicker the old way. Then when they finally show us the real reason we had to learn it, its so much better. It has a use now. Not like memorizing... that's a dead end when taken on its own value alone. Learning should aim to ready people to teach themselves from now on. I do okay at independant study.... if i stick with it. I hardly stick with anything. teaching myself, starting projects... half the clutter in my room is stuff i started and had to stop and never got around to finishing. some of it feels like theres just not enough time. i do too much, or (more likely), dont manage time well lol. but whatev, different problem.
Maybe.
On that note, i guess, I waste so much time. I know i do. whether its online or reading (which i just finally started making up time for... addicted to Frank Herbert's Dune... which is awesome, btw). or doing anything else that wastes time that im good at. Ive gotten frustrated in calc a number of times lately, and been swearing ill come home and actually do the problems for a change and learn it. Nope, not happening. all the frigging little things just add up. plus i rationalize with myself. its despicable sometimes lol. so i need to learn more discipline, i guess. i can do it sometimes, i feel it. just not often enough, just not at the right times.
And i think maybe if i plan out each day with what i have to do and should do and dont have time to do i'll get it done... but i tried that, and it wasnt so much a failure as a mistake. I overestimated what i could get done, and it just fell apart from there. So i need to work on keeping track of time and what i can do.
And them sometimes I get to thinking, if you have every moment of your life planned out, and don't get out of line with the regiment, how is that living? And then i rationalize that thought even... because there are some times you have to take away the spontaneity and suck up to the facts that things need to be put in order.. its like a sort of martial law, a discipline you put yourself under when its necessary. and thats what I lack, i think.
So now i have a new years resolution. stop punting everything for school. stop all the crap till i can live with myself and my fucking calc grade and everything else falls into place and I can tie up all these damn loose ends and unfinished business I leave around. I could never commit suicide, i know that. I cant seem to finish so many thigns, but it pissed me off so much that they're unfinished, and they have to be finished the way i have in mind if i started it, that I would never leave them for someone else to worry about.
Wow, talk about punting... there goes another half hour of study time.

...

On a brighter note, i got the second box of telescope parts today ^_^
posts about that coming... sometime between now and when i start building it.
So thanks for sitting here through that, and letting me get that all out finally.
And if you'll excuse me, I have to go and relearn a month of APcalc. Yeah, i'm cool like that.. let's see if i can do it lol.
\V/ peace and long life

College Essay 1

For much of my life I've been fascinated with the natural world. I used to play in the dirt, swordfight with trees, and incinerate bugs with focused solar radiation, as many young boys are inclined to do. Several years ago, I read a book titled So You Want to Be a Wizard. Yes, it was a work of fiction, and I only picked it out of the school's book catalog because the title conjured up images of a slightly more adult-oriented Harry Potter (I am eighteen now, and am not the least bit ashamed to admit that I have devoured each of Rowling's works as soon as they were released). However, this new book, by Diane Duane, shattered many of my expectations about it as soon as I opened the cover. It was indeed a book about magic - wizardry, I correct myself; "Magic is when you wave your hands and stuff happens for no good reason at all" - but it was also a book of science. Duane took the mystical, fantastic appeal of Harry and company, and bound it seamlessly into the real world; she created a mathematical and scientific framework on which magical power could be built and deployed - if the builder was enlightened in this Art. By using complex formulae, sentient books, and an all-encompassing language that all of creation understands, ordinary people could converse with trees, or summon white holes into existence. As an impressionable junior-high-schooler, I was fascinated with these concepts. Very soon I stopped splintering branches off trees, as to not cause them unnecessary pain. When told to cut the grass, I would hesitate, wondering whether grass minded being cut, or if it would resent the harsh regulation. I would debate with myself whether or not these ideas of a wholly intelligent world, and the interconnectedness of all of nature through a form of science, were contrary to the Catholic ideology that has been a part of my life longer than school. To say the least, I had taken Duane's books to heart, in the extreme.

Now, as I look back I cannot help but smile in amusement at my outlandish thoughts. Yet, I understand that this was a pivotal change in my worldview. I began to look at things not as just things, but as individual components in a great Master's plan. Though I was no longer nervous to cut the grass or trim our hedges, I had been engrained with a new respect for the natural world, and the majesty of God's creation. I recognize the complexity of the natural balance of the world. I am cautious to not waste resources; I consistently recycle, reuse aluminum foil, make sure I have used both sides of a sheet of paper, and try to keep my eyes close to the size of my stomach. I would much rather donate an old game or coat rather than simply throw it away, even if it means I must spend time cleaning or repairing it. I spend large amounts of time sorting through old school papers and salvaging the occasional blank sheet in a notebook, or setting one-sided copies aside as test pages. At the end of the last school year, I was one of a handful of students who scoured the hallways after Book Buy-Back Day to scavenge outdated books which students could no longer sell to the school, and found people who took them to donate or sell online. Working with the faculty advisor of our school's paper recycling program, I helped collect and sort the bales of paper which inevitably result from end-of-the-year classroom purification.

I believe that the wealth of resources available to our society is a privilege, not an undeniable right. As those entrusted with the fate of the planet on which we live and depend on for survival, it is our obligation to do our best to show respect and demonstrate wisdom in our choices regarding the world. The debates about whether wasteful human actions have or will gravely affect the future of our world will continue long after you, the reader, have finished this essay. I say that, no matter whether or not these actions have catastrophic consequences, we should be aware of and make attempts to use the world surrounding us in efficient, respectful, and non-wasteful methods; even the smallest contribution to this effort can make a difference. I hope that, once this essay and application has been read, reviewed, pondered, and judged, it will be, in the end, dropped into a file marked "Recycle", rather than thrown into a waste bin to be bagged, collected, compacted, and piled on top of years of waste of an ignorant, individually-oriented society.